My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
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