Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
