the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
