3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
