My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
