just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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