I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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