Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize