Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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