Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
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