The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
