why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
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Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
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well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize