If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
