ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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