SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
