just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
