you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
