My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
