Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize