how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
