He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
