I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
