ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
