He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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