my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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