Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Randomize
