She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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