Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
i now understand why vodka
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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