im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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