Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
