glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
