Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
