i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
