Betty ford says i'm here all night
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
