You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
