I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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