we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
