U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
