and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
we're making bets on your personal life
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
