Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
