I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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