Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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