Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
