He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Randomize
