well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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