I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
