Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
