I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
