How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
