Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
