allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Nicole vs. Life
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
