dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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