Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
