Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize