hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
