sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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