We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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