my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
My ATM looks so different sober.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
