did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
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THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
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Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
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