Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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