I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
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If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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