apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
