Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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