I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
