Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
