My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
