At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
