Can Purell be used as lube?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
babies were throwing up all over the place
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
