You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
not ubering you a puppy
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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