Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Holy sore nipples Batman
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
