I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
