i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
