I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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